Saturday, December 16, 2006

A Year In The Life

Wow.. It's been a long time hasn't it? I just didn't have any desire to post anything here I suppose. It's been a busy year here for my family. Some bad, sad, devastating, and good things have happened. Just normal life I suppose. The year didn't start out well. My grandmother lost her battle with cancer. That was sad. Accepted, but sad at any rate. Then we lost my 2 year old nephew. Brutally murdered. Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes. Lots of other bumps in the road as well.. Financial problems, a few health issues, our oldest son being hospitalized. It was just a weird time.. A weird year. There were good things that happened too. I cut a lot of unnecessary shit out of my life. I feel better for that. My family, despite having all these hurdles, we've stuck close together and we've made it through the other side. It didn't hurt that I had some fantastic friends to get me through and give me support as well. This year I was able to distinguish who were really friends and who were not. That knowledge is worth its weight in gold. Even though this has been a rough year I feel like a rich woman in many ways. Experiencing life and living to tell the tale. I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season and a Happy New Year. Peace. :)

Saturday, October 07, 2006

And You Thought Your Life Sucked?

I know this lady here in my town.. She's pretty nice. Seems somewhat normal and well adjusted. To look at her and speak to her you'd think she had the ideal life. But once the layers start to peel back and reveal what's hidden you instantly realize she's putting on a big front to the world. In a nutshell, her family, both close and distant seem to always have some huge fight going on. They turn on each other like dogs. They find even the most petty shit to fight over. She's married to an alcoholic too. She's gone through a lot and after finding out a lot of this she'll no doubt have a lot more to go through. I feel bad for her but what can ya do? If she's like me she wouldn't take anyone elses advice anyway. Just makes you think about what some deal with in this life.. either by their own hand or the hand of others. It poses a question in my mind though. Why do people have to be so self destructive and try to drag down everyone else in their path? People have enough to deal with just getting up and dealing with everyday life. Why are there always people that have to make that harder and add to the shit? I hope that lady makes it through everything okay.

Monday, September 25, 2006

You know what I enjoy? I enjoy not getting any help in my house. Oh yes I do. I enjoy doing it all. Working, cooking, cleaning, shopping, paying the bills. I just absolutely adore it beyond words. You know what tickles me? Is asking for help and not getting it. Then when I finally blow a gasket and all tact is gone I'm accused of not having any to begin with and maybe if I asked nicer it would help. My gosh I enjoy the hell out of it. No, really.. I DO. I enjoy working and then getting off and having to bust ass to cook dinner because it's 9pm and nobody has eaten. Then the laundry that nobody wants to get started until 11pm at night. Oh hell yes.. I enjoy it. And want to know the kicker? I'm falling short. Yes I am. My house is not spotless. My meals are not planned days in advance. The laundry isn't caught up.. ever.. and they all look at me and my miserable failure. None of them see that it takes some group effort to keep a house kept up. Pick up after yourselves for the love of twinkies! That's all ya have to do! Manybe once in a while help out and cook a meal AND don't leave the kitchen upside down for the maid.(that would be me). Is that so freaking much to ask for? Oh but wait... I enjoy it.. I forgot. So while this will no doubt continue I'll be expected to grin and bear it while I work, pay those bills, grocery shop, buy toilet paper, do laundry, clean, and cook. No doubt my situation is no more unique than lots out there but I.AM.SICK.OF.IT!!! How do I come off without sounding like a complete bitch and get some help? Anybody?? Bueller??

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Sticks And Stones


What is it with my kids and getting hurt lately? First Robert gets jumped and beat up and now Shari has been injured. Last Thursday night was insane here. We had bad weather upon us and it came to the point where I had to throw the kids into the storm shelter in the backyard. Well I hate that damn thing but you know it's a good thing to have if a tornado does hit. So at the time it's just me and the two kids. Robert was not at home at the time but that's another story.. Grrrr.. Anyway....the dog came running into the backyard toward the shelter and well she can't clear the steps because she's an ittle bitty and too short. So Sis says she's going to get her and stands up. She puts her left foot on the first stair and when she goes to put her right up there she catches the top of it on the under side of the stair case. The metal staircase.. yep.. Raw sheet metal. So she starts to howl. Well it's dark down there and my flashlight is dim. I'm thinking a deep scratch.. And those hurt like hell right? WRONG! All the sudden I start to hear this sickening thick liquid hit the cement. I flash my light toward her foot to see blood pouring up and over her slip on tennis shoe and hitting the floor. Oh holy shit I almost passed out. So.. Nick ran her into the house, bandaged her to slow the bleeding and brought her back out to the hole to safety until the storms passed. Thankfully it wasn't a long wait either. When it was over we got her out and off to the ER we go. This child has not only torn the top of her foot open but she's cut open a blood vessel. It was not pretty. She ended up having a section removed on the vessel, a mattress suture put in and that was closed up with 13 stitches. I feel terrible. I should have been the one to get the dog. Poor kid! But I have to say she's damn proud of those stitches. She's managed in one injury to out stitch both of her brothers on all of their injuries.. KIDS! LOL

Saturday, September 16, 2006

He Knows If You've Been Bad Or Good.......

I've been dreaming of Christmas for the past couple of days. I know it's way too early to think about but I can't help it. I think I'm associating the holidays with happiness and peace of mind. Heh.. Okay.. and being broke and lots of pressure.. But it's a season I love. Christmas in our house is usually great. We used to have a tradition of the entire family putting up the tree and decorating it. The past couple of years it's only been the two younger kids and myself decorating it. It's okay though because it's a tradition I want them to have fond memories of. In my sappy mind I secretly wish it went something like this: The whole family gathers to assemble the tree and we decorate it while laughing, joking, and listening to Nat King Cole sing Christmas songs. Then we'd all sit and drink hot cocoa and marvel at the beauty we'd created as a family. Okay in all reality this is probably how it will go: Robert will be out somewhere with his girlfriend or buddies. He's way too cool to do such dorky things now. Nick will either be working online or he'll be so consumed in chatting it up with whomever he won't notice us. David and Shari will be into it though and for me that's enough. We'll decorate our tree and David will of course put all the red balls in one spot on the tree where I'll go through later and even them out. We have ornaments in a wide variety of ages. We have them from the 40's, we have them from the 70's and 80's(when I was a kid) and every decade since then. They all have some meaning. Some of my very favorites are just plain simple glass ball ornaments from 1991. That was our very first Christmas as a family. We were so poor then. I think I paid a dollar a box for those ornaments. I've managed to protect and save about a dozen from that time period. Although things weren't great in our marriage by a long shot, times seemed to be so much easier. Even being poor. Life was simple. Sometimes I long for those days again... So anyway.. 99 days and about 13 hours till Christmas! Get ready!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Bah!


Dear Gilby, Tommy, and Jason,

You three should be ashamed. You really made the wrong choice. Don't come crying to me when your band can't make it a year. Maybe if you're good boys, Dilana will let you open for her. Oh and by the way, you guys are off the Christmas card list this year. Probably next too.

Sincerely,
Cat

Wednesday, September 06, 2006



My son got his driver's permit today. Gah!? I'm not ready for this! My husband took him out and let him drive a bit. He said he did fine except for not slowing down to turn corners. LOL. I'm thinking a sedative is in order before I get in the car with him! He'll learn quickly enough I suppose. Speaking of my son.. He was jumped and beat up last week by four guys. Actually he was jumped twice in about fifteen minutes time. The first time it was just one guy.. He hit Robert three times in the head and face before Robert decided he'd had enough bullshit and Robert hit the guy twice in his head with his skateboard, breaking it in three pieces. He then was jumped by the apparent dickhead's friends. He never stood a chance and they beat and kicked him in his head, face, and ribs. He had knots on his head and we thought they broke his cheek bone. Bastards! The cops have a pretty good idea who did it. It sometimes pays to live in a small town. People get stupid and talk and it gets around very quickly. One of the guys has been hiding out apparently. I'm pretty sure it's the one who's sporting a nice gash in his head from the skateboard. I hope they find them and I'm going to see that they give them the stiffest charge they can. These guys are adults. My kid is 15 years old. Yep.. I'm pissed. Here are a couple of pics. One was taken the night it happened.. You can't see the cheek bone jutting out but it was. The next shot was taken the day after.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Seasons Of Change


So many changes in the past few months. Life has had a lot of highs and lows. We've lost a few along the way and somehow we've managed to muddle through. It's been a long, long season. It's winding down now and we're into the dog days of summer. In less than a month we'll see a new season. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year here in Oklahoma. The trees and bushes go from green to yellow and then to orange and red. It's truly an incredible sight. The days remain warm but the nights are crisp. The evening sky is full of a million stars that look so close it seems you could touch them. Autumn brings a sense of inner peace for me and I don't know why. I just feel as though it's my time to recollect, ponder, and renew myself. When the weather cools some I'll begin to bake more and make chowders, stews, and soups. I'll fill the house with smells of cinnamon, hazelnut, and maple candles. I can hardly wait.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Thank you for the kind words of support. We're coping as well as we can and sticking together very closely. It's all we can do. Thanks again....

http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=18734170

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It's 2:26 a.m. and I can't sleep. My mind is going in circles and I just can't seem to settle down. Okay my heart is breaking and I just can't seem to grasp what's happened to my family. My baby nephew was murdered Monday night. He was the only child of my stepbrother, Jimmy. Jimmy hasn't been a big part of his life because Jimmy is in prison and was moved from Utah to Arkansas. Jayden was 2 years old. He just turned 2 in May. His mother's boyfriend was babysitting him while his mother worked and he killed him. One version of what he told the police was, "The little fucker just wouldn't shut up so I killed him"... I just can't wrap my mind around that. He took this little boy and beat his head into a wall until he stopped screaming. Until he stopped moving.. Until he stopped breathing. What kind of a monster would do that? The sonofabitch is in police custody now but that won't bring Jayden back. My mom and stepdad were going to get Jayden for the holidays and they were so thrilled about that. That of course will never happen now. Instead they'll get to drive to Utah and watch as their baby grandson is lowered into a grave. They are in serious need of prayer. The whole family is in need. We'll pull through this because true to form, we're a family and we stick together. It just hurts really bad right now. Really, really bad.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Check It Out

These people are giving away a few freebies.. Go check them out!

http://www.cengraving.com/s/free

Friday, June 16, 2006

The Black Sheep

I rented Brokeback Mountain last night. I have to say I rented this because basically there was nothing else good to rent. I've passed it by a few times without a second thought. No particular reason. I just did. It started out sort of ho hum.. and then got a bit uncomfortable to watch. No, I'm not homophobic. I just don't enjoy sex scenes that much. But the more I got into this movie the more I found myself pulled in. It was such a deep and sad love story. I hated the ending. Hated it. I wanted a happy ending for Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar. I found myself wondering how many of these types of relationships were hidden back then as well? How many hearts broke and endured such pain because of the world around them? Acceptance for such a thing wasn't given very freely. Our America prided itself on the rights of others in those days. Hippies were standing on street corners smoking weed. Women were burning their bras. Couples were embarking on a new journey and began "swinging".. All of this was acceptable... But two people of the same sex loving each other in an intimate way was taboo. And in a lot of areas this hasn't changed much over the past 40 years. I find myself ashamed of my fellow humans sometimes. I am ashamed of myself because I'm not always accepting of others either. I think as people we need to open our minds and our hearts a bit more to the others. Wouldn't it be a nicer world if we did?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

When It Comes Down To Brass Tacks

inconsiderate:

adj 1: lacking regard for the rights or feelings of others; "shockingly inconsiderate behavior" [ant: considerate] 2: without proper consideration or reflection; "slovenly inconsiderate reasoning"; "unconsidered words"; "prejudice is the holding of unconsidered opinions" [syn: unconsidered]


childish:

adj : indicating a lack of maturity


selfish:

adj : concerned chiefly or only with yourself


injustice:

Function: noun1 : absence of justice : violation of what is considered right and just or of the rights of another2 : an unjust act


disrespect:
n.

Lack of respect, esteem, or courteous regard.

Monday, June 05, 2006

Cutie Pies



They're 3 weeks old now!

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Yesterday.......

I was just talking to a friend about our kids. We're both a little sad about how the years have flown by so quickly. I now have a 10th grader, a 7th grader and a 4th grader. I can vividly remember when my oldest was in kindergarten. That seems like such a lifetime ago. Such a happy lifetime.....There didn't seem to be drama or battles then. Maybe there was and I just don't remember it. But it's a time I choose to remember with fondness. It was before marital problems hit. It was before my illness hit. We had just moved into our new home and we had a newborn. Life was simple then. I miss those days.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

LISA VAN O!!!!!!!!!!

EMAIL ME WOMAN!!! I lost all my contact info.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Loss

My friend lost her husband a few days ago. There are no words to heal the open wounds that she and her children feel. Only time will heal and leave them with the scars of life and love. Here's to a brighter day ahead and the sweetest of memories......

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more... Tears in heaven

Awww!


We have kitties!

Monday, May 15, 2006

At one of the sites I read I noticed that the majority of women didn't have a great Mother's Day yesterday. Why is this? Do men feel cheated on Father's Day? Do we silently plot to make their father's day a less than memorable experience? Should we? Tell me this.. What is so damn hard about treating someone special for one day? Not even a whole day! Just a little part of it even. A friend of mine was talking about her upset and hurt over the lack of consideration she got yesterday.. She said she felt like an "after thought".. Wow.. that makes a lot of sense doesn't it? Although sometimes I think that would even be better than nothing at all. I dunno. I had a friend, male of course, say that Mother's Day was just an excuse for Hallmark to make money. I wanted to bitch slap him of course. Then again he doesn't have children and he rarely speaks to his mother. Anyway, the point of my post is this: No matter how small or how cheap, do something for the mother in your life. Be it your own mother, your wife, your grandmother, whatever! If you can't afford a card then do something nice for her. Take out the trash, rub her feet, mow the lawn, clean the house.. ANYTHING! Acting like it'll go away won't help it. Ignoring her only makes it worse. And worst of all............Don't tell her she's the reason the day went crappy! And just because you're over it don't ASSume that she is.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Out Like A Fat Kid In Dodge Ball

Okay.. this isn't exactly the easiest thing for me to blog about.. It's something that's been bothering me for a few days. You know I sort of touched on it a while back.. The skinny is I belonged to a message board. There was some tension and a few smart assed comments made there between a few. All of the sudden the boards were closed. Well we all still had a place to go because someone had created backup boards. They made it look the exact same as our boards did except there were a few key players missing. Those women apparently went and started up a private board for themselves and left a lot of us out on our asses. Okay that hurt. I never did a damn thing to any of them to deserve that but whatever.. I guess I wasn't their cup of tea. So fast forward to a few days ago....I get this mass email from one of those women at the "new" boards stating they were going to give someone a surprise party or something. Someone accidentally included MY email address in that mix. Talk about feeling like the fat kid in dodge ball!!! OMG I was angry and yeah it made me cry. Well the guilty emailed me with an apology so ya know I can't really be mad at them. But it all made me feel very inadequate again. Lots of shit going on with work right now.. Major loss of income.. Fear, anxiety, resentment, anger.. And no bloody place to vent it and nobody who gives a flying shit. I'm not afraid to say it.. I miss my boards.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Full Of It

And just because I have lots on my mind today I'll blog again.....

Online Love Affairs. What's your opinion on them? As a rule I tend to think they're dangerous and very deceitful. Of course I've been on the shitty end of one of those so maybe that's why my opinion isn't very positive. I mean really though.. Someone sits and talks to someone for hours and hours, night after night. What do they really learn about that person inside that box? They learn what that person wants them to know. And let's face it folks we can be whoever we want to be on here. There's nobody holding us accountable for telling the truth about who we really are. So while someone is claiming to be the answer to every prayer, are they really? The beauty of it is, the truth does reveal itself eventually. Sometimes people actually marry and it goes spendidly. Sometimes it tears families apart and breaks hearts. It's really something to make ya think isn't it? So if you're one of those people you may want to really think about things. You honestly never really know who you're speaking to until you've had time to be around that person and see it with your own eyes. Now while I'm not dissing those I know who have found love online I am saying that it's not for me and I would never want my children to travel such an avenue to find a mate. I guess there are some things in life that I'll never change my mind about.

That Is So Jr High...Grow The Hell Up!

Was talking to a friend of mine this morning.. We were discussing cruises and I made mention that I was invited to go on a cruise down to Cozumel and Belize. He in turn said that he and his wife were saving at this very moment to go on a cruise to Jamaica. Very cool eh? He said they had the money for the cruise but needed to save about the same amount for "other" things.. Other things? Like scuba diving right? Or wind surfing! Yeah!! Uh...no.. Like drinks on board for him and his ghetto ass wife needs to score some "Ganja" while down on the islands. Looooooeeeeeoooossssserrrrrrrrrs! Grow the hell up! Forty plus years old and they are about as responsible as my 15 year old. No.. I think my 15 year old has them beat. They make about 120K a year and it's just the two of them and they struggle with money.. Why you ask? Booze and ganja. Jesus, I had to almost bite my tongue in half to keep from saying something snarky to him. Don't sit there and bitch about how the man has you down when all you're gonna do is drink shots of whiskey and watch your fat ass loser of a wife smoke dope. Yeah I know.. none of my bidness but he brought it up and I have an opinion. I realize that I have NO tolerance for drug addicts and alcoholics. Talk amongst yourselves.....

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Profound

A very good friend of mine summed things up nicely last night.. Her words made me giggle and nod in agreement. I have a case of the "Idon'tgiveashits" LOL! So true!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Is This All There Is?

I'm bored.. Bored with the internet. One can only read cnn and blogs for so long before the boredom sets in. More and more lately I've been content with spending my evenings with a good tv show instead of being online. Maybe I'm just outgrowing a few things? I don't know.. I'm disenchanted.. I do know that. People are not what they seem. This is something I've known for years yet it seems to be a lesson I relearn over and over again. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I'm given too much and don't appreciate it? Peh.. I think I'll go take a nap.

Friday, April 28, 2006

30% Chance Of Showers

You know it kills me when the weatherman here says there's a 30% chance of showers. You can usually count on it raining buckets when they say this. And true to form it began to rain a few hours ago. It probably won't stop until Sunday night lol. It doesn't bother me much because as usual I'm working this weekend. I need to do something about that soon though because summer is coming and I want time with N and the kids. I'm hoping to be able to get out more with them all and go do things. Even cheap/no cost type of things ya know? Some of my best memories from growing up are things we did as a family and oddly enough they were things that didn't cost much if anything at all.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

All Good Things Come To An End

I'm feeling a bit out of sorts today. An online community that I've been a member of for quite a while shut down yesterday. While I understand the owners need to do this I'm still very sad about it. It served a lot of purpose while it was up and running. Mainly for me it started out as a place for healing old wounds and rifts. It was a melting pot. So many different lives brought together in one community. I didn't always agree or like what was said by some but it was enlightening to see other points of view. It seems as though we're a divided community now. Some staying behind at another site that was created and some taking off for parts unknown. I'll miss things as they were but I respect why it had to be done.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

I've been feeling so grumpy lately. I need a vacation. Even a mini vacation would help. However, I'm not the type to up and leave the kids and husband even for a weekend. When I think about skipping town for the weekend I'm hit with guilt. My kids never get to go on vacations. With our work schedules it's hard for us to even schedule a family dinner without a lot of planning. I hate that. I hate that these days I can't "bring home the bacon and fry it up in the pan"... I feel like a failure as a wife and mother. I spend a lot of time lately being very resentful for the lack of help I get around here. While I agree that nobody is a mind reader it's beyond me how they can just ignore that the trash is overflowing or that the yard looks terrible and just go on with their lives. Sure I get indignant but what good does it do me? I just get madder and my stress level goes up and I can't even be approached then. I go to bed angry and I wake up angry. Now some would say maybe I need to go back on medication. The truth is I was on medication for a year. Yes, I did seem like a care free person then. The fact of the matter is, I was medicated and flat out didn't give a damn. I can't live like that. Things have to matter to me. I have to feel alive. Granted, I'm not knocking anti-deps here. I think for some they're a crucial part of daily life and I'm all fine with that. They're just not for me. So now I'm trying to muddle through some issues and I hope and pray when it's all said and done that there's a bit of harmony around here. My job is a huge source of stress these days. With hour cuts and throat cuts it's not a nice place to be anymore. Instead of enjoying the free time I have now all I do is stress over the lack of hours and money. I'm tired of handling that all by myself but I'm not sure the control freak in me can hand it over. I'd probably be a bigger mess. And things here at home aren't at their best either. My oldest has become a jerk and I hate it. His girlfriend and her family can do no wrong in his eyes. He acts as if this is just someplace to come sleep and get his laundry done. I know he's growing up and wants his freedoms but it still hurts. I feel that his father and I failed him miserably when it really counted. We were too caught up in fighting amongst ourselves and he endured a lot of undue stress because his parents were idiots. Now he's getting even....or so it feels like it. I had this unrealistic view of how the home unit should be. I saw visions of Ozzie and Harriet, Ricky and Lucy, Charles and Caroline Ingalls...and ended up with something closer to Dan and Roseanne. But hey! We put the FUN in dysfunction!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

The Difference Between Women And Little Girls

Last week I commented on a blog that I regularly read. It wasn't a very positive comment but then again it wasn't a very positive blog entry. This person spends most their time whining about what they don't have and does very little to actually get some of those things. On the flip side of that I have a friend whose husband is dying because of a malignant brain tumor. This is a man she met after going through a horrible marriage. She was on her own raising two children with very little to do so. Many nights she went without eating just so she could make sure her children ate. She literally worked her way out of it with an incredible amount of sacrifice and hard work. There was no fairy god mother there to wave a wand over her and make it all better. She had to bust her ass to pull out of that. So.. back to my story here....She met the love of her life. He was a kind, gentle soul and they began their fairytale. Life wasn't always easy but they got through it. Life never threw them anything that they couldn't overcome. Until a few months ago. He was diagnosed with the brain tumor. An aggressive tumor. One that despite chemo and other treatments, he will die. Who knows when? Could be today.. Could be next month. But his life is cut short and their happily ever after is ruined. Tell me where the fairness is there? This isn't some tit whining about how she hates her inlaws and doesn't want to get an outside job or put her child in daycare. This is a woman who will have one of the biggest losses life has to throw at a person. WHY!? I've asked myself that a thousand times. Why him? Why her? Why them!? And the funny thing is, she is not asking why. She's not throwing a fit and demanding that life go differently. No, not this woman. She's stepping up to the plate, handling what she can, and spending every possible moment with her husband before he's gone. She's the epitome of grace and courage. I only hope if I'm ever faced with such tragedy in my life that I can muster half the courage and grace that this woman has shown.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Goodbye Is Never Easy


Here I sit at 3am, tears spilling down in sadness. One of our cats just died. I don't know why he died. I just know he became sick earlier tonight. I was going to take him to the vet in the morning. He was too sick though and couldn't wait. The kids are going to be devastated. So long Felix the cat.... :(

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Back To Back They Faced Each Other

Have you ever felt so justified in a situation and then one sentence thrown at you took the wind out of your sails? Why does that happen? Is this game of blame we play in life something that we do to hide our own short comings? Feeling bad sucks. I do know that much. Working toward resolving the issue is a must. Why do we not dive in and tackle it? It doesn't go away. It might hide enough for life to go on as usual around it but it still lurks in the shadows. It comes back with haunting memories that may or may not even have anything to do with the situation at hand. Why is that? Insecurity, doubt and fear are three demons we want to exercise from everyday life. What's stopping us? A gesture made here? An ill thought out comment made there? We are the only ones that can change ourselves. We have the power to do so. So why is it we get going and all the sudden we hit the breaks and put it in reverse? We hurt more than ourselves when we do that. We hurt the people we love as well. What the hell is any good about hurting ourselves and those we love? Priorities get screwed up. We get selfish and feel we "deserve" something more and we just go for it with no conscious care or thought to who we're hurting. Life is too short. None of us has been thrust into this world with a set of plans in our hands and an expiration date. What we have today could be gone tomorrow in the blink of an eye. Why is it we can't seem to remember that?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Toto!? This Ain't Kansas!

There's No Place Like Home...There's No Place Like Home...

Well here it is 1:15am and I'm tired but I'm staying up a while to watch the weather. There's been a large tornadic storm to the south and west of us coming this way. It should just miss us but you know me...I'm a worrier. Damn we don't usually have this sort of weather until the mid April. I am SO not ready for bad weather to hit. We haven't even bug bombed the storm shelter yet. I guess we need to get right on that. So anyway.. Just to pacify myself I've started charging my cell phone, packed a small bag for the storm shelter and I have our shoes together in case we need to jump into them fast and run to the backyard. I'll be sleeping with the flashlight on my bed side table. Loverly..

Winds Of Change

Lots of things have been going on around here lately. Some changes good and some that don't feel so good. We lost a huge client at work last week. That means a reduction in force, which means I don't get as many hours. Actually, I get half the hours I'm used to. N also lost hours at work so we're going to be finding creative ways to pay the bills very soon. I teeter between being afraid of the very near future and looking forward to a slower paced existence. Not so much for myself, but for N. He's been working 70-80 hour weeks for quite a while now. I hope he can accept this and find a nice, safe hobby to occupy his time. Like napping. That would be good. Or maybe he can take the boys fishing once in a while. They'd love that. Everything is in bloom here. I was driving to the store the other day and saw the jonquils popping up everywhere. It reminded me that change is inevitble and not always a bad thing.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Deep In A Hole

I really dislike Thursdays. It's a combination of things I think. It's my first day back to work after having a couple of days off. It begins way too early. It ends way too late. My breaks are a big joke. There. Complain. Whine. Pity. Wallow. I hate my job. There I said it. I hate my job because I inadvertently invited someone into that circle that has duped me (and others) in ways I won't even begin to speak about. A wolf in sheep's clothing. So while some may know some of it, they surely don't know the half of it. If they only knew.....But then again I don't care enough to tell them. I'm tired. I think I'll go watch tv.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Woof, Woof Baby


This is what my mother got for Valentine's Day. When his hair grows back he'll actually look like a Maltese.. :snicker:

Miles And Miles Away

My sister is in surgery as I type this. She's having a lumbar fusion done. Apparently it's a very long and tedious surgery. I hate being 1600 miles away from her but I especially hate it at a time like this. I want to be there damnit! Please think good thoughts for her recovery. Thanks...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Another Birthday To Celebrate



I send this greeting of love
And with it best wishes too
And I hope that this day
Was a happy one for you

In the year ahead I wish
Good things your day will bring
Health, happiness and good times
And the best of everything.....


Happy Birthday, sweet Shari.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Happy Birthday


Today is my first born's 15th birthday. I vividly remember the day he was born. Emerging into this world, he stared at me like he'd known me forever. His deep soulful eyes staring into mine as if to say, "I've always been a part of you.. It's nice to finally meet" He was the smallest of my three children and had a head full of wild black hair. The amazement and awe that we felt when we held him was overwhelming. Over the years he's brought us much joy. He is turning into a man before our eyes and the mother in me wants to hold fast to what little boy is left in him. The free soul in me realizes I have to let him spread his wings and fly. I thank my lucky stars that I've had the chance to have such a deep and thoughtful child in my life. Happy Birthday, Robert. I loved you then, I love you now and I'll love you always.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Memories Of Yesterday......Hopes For Tomorrow

Today I made myself a new cd from music I had on my computer. An odd mixture of music. Old and new. Every song I added evoked an emotion though. As the Carpenter's sang in harmony over my speakers I was taken back to childhood and my Summer vacations in Oregon. These songs remind me of times with my father. The drive from California to Oregon was a long one but we made a good time out of it. We'd push like mad to get to our favorite motel in Northern California that first day of travel. I'd blare the Carpenter's from the 8 track tape player in the car and sing along. He'd hum along and giggle every once in awhile. He hated that music and no doubt if he were alive today he'd still hate it. But he listened to it with good humor....for me. That fills me with happiness and fondness when I think back on those times. So many people have had tainted childhoods and while my own wasn't perfect it was happy enough to store a plethora of good memories in this mind of mine. So, as I hear the words floating out, "We've only just begun......" I smile the smile of that 9 or 10 year old girl and know that I've got enough good memories to last a lifetime.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Beauty Has A Price

I worked off and on for about 8 hours in our bedroom yesterday. I got it all done except for one wall and I still need to hang the sconces, window treatments and pictures. I like the feel the room has now but there are still so many things I'd like to change. However, until I find an extra two thousand dollars or so for some new furniture and carpeting I'm going to have to settle for what I have. All in all I'm pleased. I'm so sore today from bending, lifting, stooping, reaching, etc.. I'm sorely(literally) reminded that I'm not 25 anymore.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Awakening Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Quest For Serenity

I'm in the process of redecorating our bedroom. This has taken more time than it ever should have. My goal is to create a space for us to retire to at night and feel a sense of peace and serenity. I've got all the supplies I need and have had them for quite some time. I bought yet another shade of beige/brown paint last night to cover the walls with. I know once I get to a certain point it will all begin to come together. The more I think about it the more I want to change in there. New furniture, new carpeting, etc.. Where does it begin and end? What started out to be a new comforter set has evolved into the makeover of the century. I just hope we get to enjoy our new bedroom before we're too old.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Our newest addition....Goldie Posted by Picasa
She's got blue eyes.  Posted by Picasa

Uncle Sam And The State Of Oklahoma Can Bite My Butt.....

Mmmkay.. Tax appointment over. The hubster was running late coming in from work so I had to take the youngest with me to my appointment. No big deal because he's usually pretty good. Usually is the key word here. Tonight was the exception to that when I told him to sit and be quiet he gave me that glazed over look like a junky gets when you wave a bag of smack in front of them. He was out in the country and there were dogs. "MOM! They have dogs!" Sigh.. So.. he wasn't very still nor was he quiet. I wanted to snatch him bald headed at one point but knew it was a lost cause. He was just reacting to this coolness of being out in the wide open country. "Hey MOM! Nobody could hear me if I screamed out here right?" So.. we got through the taxes in a timely manner and despite having an absolute dump truck full of deductions, we barely came out ahead in our federal taxes and we owe the damn state money. A nice little chunk of change too! So.. Uncle Sam says, "Here's this nice little check for your federal taxes.. Then the state says, "gimme that check! How dare you think you'll get ahead!" Hehe.. Oh well.. I did leave there with a puppy..... She is awfully cute.

Stop The Insanity!!!

I have an appointment tonight with our tax consultant to get our taxes done. Every year it's the same old song and dance with me. I wait until the last possible moment and then I begin to dig for receipts, bills, etc... Why do I do this to myself? It's almost as if I enjoy the pressure. Ha! This year is a bit different from the others though. We doubled our income in 2005. I'm quite nervous about the outcome of that for some odd reason. Gone are the days of Earned Income Credit. Born are the days of going long form and using deductions. On a positive note we spent a king's ransom on medical needs. Surely to God this will help right? And we still have possession of those three children that technically eat like nine children. That is also a plus, no? This year I vow to save all my reciepts in one place and keep everything up to date. Yeah.. I surely will do that. Of course I say that every year.....

Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Life Renewed Posted by Picasa

First step forward

My first post....hhmm.. Honestly I didn't think I'd blog again. I just got bored with it all and it seemed like such a competition. This time maybe it will be different. I'm going to write what I feel and what I want. So put on your seatbelts and hold on for the ride.....

For the first time in quite a while I feel alive. I feel as though I'm waking up from a long, long sleep. I look around and see the normalcy that fills my home, my life, my heart....And I realize that it's beautiful. For so long I took so much for granted. I was struck down three years ago by a failing marriage and then a life threatening disease which stuck by me like a best friend in a shopping mall. I couldn't see past those things to see much of anything. When fear is your constant companion you learn to shut your eyes pretty quickly. Alas...the fear is gone and both matters have resolved themselves. So life begins again. Hooray for second chances.