Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Goodbye Is Never Easy


Here I sit at 3am, tears spilling down in sadness. One of our cats just died. I don't know why he died. I just know he became sick earlier tonight. I was going to take him to the vet in the morning. He was too sick though and couldn't wait. The kids are going to be devastated. So long Felix the cat.... :(

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Back To Back They Faced Each Other

Have you ever felt so justified in a situation and then one sentence thrown at you took the wind out of your sails? Why does that happen? Is this game of blame we play in life something that we do to hide our own short comings? Feeling bad sucks. I do know that much. Working toward resolving the issue is a must. Why do we not dive in and tackle it? It doesn't go away. It might hide enough for life to go on as usual around it but it still lurks in the shadows. It comes back with haunting memories that may or may not even have anything to do with the situation at hand. Why is that? Insecurity, doubt and fear are three demons we want to exercise from everyday life. What's stopping us? A gesture made here? An ill thought out comment made there? We are the only ones that can change ourselves. We have the power to do so. So why is it we get going and all the sudden we hit the breaks and put it in reverse? We hurt more than ourselves when we do that. We hurt the people we love as well. What the hell is any good about hurting ourselves and those we love? Priorities get screwed up. We get selfish and feel we "deserve" something more and we just go for it with no conscious care or thought to who we're hurting. Life is too short. None of us has been thrust into this world with a set of plans in our hands and an expiration date. What we have today could be gone tomorrow in the blink of an eye. Why is it we can't seem to remember that?

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Toto!? This Ain't Kansas!

There's No Place Like Home...There's No Place Like Home...

Well here it is 1:15am and I'm tired but I'm staying up a while to watch the weather. There's been a large tornadic storm to the south and west of us coming this way. It should just miss us but you know me...I'm a worrier. Damn we don't usually have this sort of weather until the mid April. I am SO not ready for bad weather to hit. We haven't even bug bombed the storm shelter yet. I guess we need to get right on that. So anyway.. Just to pacify myself I've started charging my cell phone, packed a small bag for the storm shelter and I have our shoes together in case we need to jump into them fast and run to the backyard. I'll be sleeping with the flashlight on my bed side table. Loverly..

Winds Of Change

Lots of things have been going on around here lately. Some changes good and some that don't feel so good. We lost a huge client at work last week. That means a reduction in force, which means I don't get as many hours. Actually, I get half the hours I'm used to. N also lost hours at work so we're going to be finding creative ways to pay the bills very soon. I teeter between being afraid of the very near future and looking forward to a slower paced existence. Not so much for myself, but for N. He's been working 70-80 hour weeks for quite a while now. I hope he can accept this and find a nice, safe hobby to occupy his time. Like napping. That would be good. Or maybe he can take the boys fishing once in a while. They'd love that. Everything is in bloom here. I was driving to the store the other day and saw the jonquils popping up everywhere. It reminded me that change is inevitble and not always a bad thing.