Sunday, April 02, 2006
The Difference Between Women And Little Girls
Last week I commented on a blog that I regularly read. It wasn't a very positive comment but then again it wasn't a very positive blog entry. This person spends most their time whining about what they don't have and does very little to actually get some of those things. On the flip side of that I have a friend whose husband is dying because of a malignant brain tumor. This is a man she met after going through a horrible marriage. She was on her own raising two children with very little to do so. Many nights she went without eating just so she could make sure her children ate. She literally worked her way out of it with an incredible amount of sacrifice and hard work. There was no fairy god mother there to wave a wand over her and make it all better. She had to bust her ass to pull out of that. So.. back to my story here....She met the love of her life. He was a kind, gentle soul and they began their fairytale. Life wasn't always easy but they got through it. Life never threw them anything that they couldn't overcome. Until a few months ago. He was diagnosed with the brain tumor. An aggressive tumor. One that despite chemo and other treatments, he will die. Who knows when? Could be today.. Could be next month. But his life is cut short and their happily ever after is ruined. Tell me where the fairness is there? This isn't some tit whining about how she hates her inlaws and doesn't want to get an outside job or put her child in daycare. This is a woman who will have one of the biggest losses life has to throw at a person. WHY!? I've asked myself that a thousand times. Why him? Why her? Why them!? And the funny thing is, she is not asking why. She's not throwing a fit and demanding that life go differently. No, not this woman. She's stepping up to the plate, handling what she can, and spending every possible moment with her husband before he's gone. She's the epitome of grace and courage. I only hope if I'm ever faced with such tragedy in my life that I can muster half the courage and grace that this woman has shown.
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2 comments:
I'd love to be connected to this woman. Like you, she sounds like a genuine full-blooded grown-up woman who deals with life on life's terms. That's the kind of women I like to have as friends, and to be worthy of being friends with.
Love you,
WIP
I too would like to connect with this woman. I think the lessons I have learned from my experience might comfort her.
My wife and I both survived the untimely deaths of our former spouses, so I've learned that life can go on.
My previous wife was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive form of leukemia (Acute Myelogenous Leukemia) almost exactly four years ago. She underwent the first of five bone marrow biopsies on her 50th birthday. After a long, long year of chemotherapy and six blessed months of remission, she relapsed and then finally succumbed 11 days after her 51st birthday.
I was her private-duty nurse the entire time, living with her in St. Thomas Hospital for 102 days, making her hospital room into as much of a home as possible. Luckily for me, my bosses were very understanding, allowing me to go on FMLA leave (unpaid, of course) so at least I wouldn't lose my job.
I think that going through such a harrowing experience as this either makes you or breaks you.
For me, the experience brought me an entirely new appreciation for what it means to be alive. Every spring when the buds on our cherry tree begin to swell and burst with color, I remember that last spring with Nancy.
The experience of losing love also made me appreciate how much it means to have love in my life. Therefore, after a very intense period of mourning, writing, individual and group therapy, I decided to find the person who was destined to be my new wife.
And I did find her!
I suppose the lesson in all of this is that you can't choose the cards that life deals you, but you can choose how you play them.
I have a feeling that the woman about whom you wrote will survive her husband's death, and that afterwards she will find hew own new meaning in life.
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