He Knows If You've Been Bad Or Good.......

I've been dreaming of Christmas for the past couple of days. I know it's way too early to think about but I can't help it. I think I'm associating the holidays with happiness and peace of mind. Heh.. Okay.. and being broke and lots of pressure.. But it's a season I love. Christmas in our house is usually great. We used to have a tradition of the entire family putting up the tree and decorating it. The past couple of years it's only been the two younger kids and myself decorating it. It's okay though because it's a tradition I want them to have fond memories of. In my sappy mind I secretly wish it went something like this: The whole family gathers to assemble the tree and we decorate it while laughing, joking, and listening to Nat King Cole sing Christmas songs. Then we'd all sit and drink hot cocoa and marvel at the beauty we'd created as a family. Okay in all reality this is probably how it will go: Robert will be out somewhere with his girlfriend or buddies. He's way too cool to do such dorky things now. Nick will either be working online or he'll be so consumed in chatting it up with whomever he won't notice us. David and Shari will be into it though and for me that's enough. We'll decorate our tree and David will of course put all the red balls in one spot on the tree where I'll go through later and even them out. We have ornaments in a wide variety of ages. We have them from the 40's, we have them from the 70's and 80's(when I was a kid) and every decade since then. They all have some meaning. Some of my very favorites are just plain simple glass ball ornaments from 1991. That was our very first Christmas as a family. We were so poor then. I think I paid a dollar a box for those ornaments. I've managed to protect and save about a dozen from that time period. Although things weren't great in our marriage by a long shot, times seemed to be so much easier. Even being poor. Life was simple. Sometimes I long for those days again... So anyway.. 99 days and about 13 hours till Christmas! Get ready!

Bah!

Dear Gilby, Tommy, and Jason,

You three should be ashamed. You really made the wrong choice. Don't come crying to me when your band can't make it a year. Maybe if you're good boys, Dilana will let you open for her. Oh and by the way, you guys are off the Christmas card list this year. Probably next too.

Sincerely,
Cat

My son got his driver's permit today. Gah!? I'm not ready for this! My husband took him out and let him drive a bit. He said he did fine except for not slowing down to turn corners. LOL. I'm thinking a sedative is in order before I get in the car with him! He'll learn quickly enough I suppose. Speaking of my son.. He was jumped and beat up last week by four guys. Actually he was jumped twice in about fifteen minutes time. The first time it was just one guy.. He hit Robert three times in the head and face before Robert decided he'd had enough bullshit and Robert hit the guy twice in his head with his skateboard, breaking it in three pieces. He then was jumped by the apparent dickhead's friends. He never stood a chance and they beat and kicked him in his head, face, and ribs. He had knots on his head and we thought they broke his cheek bone. Bastards! The cops have a pretty good idea who did it. It sometimes pays to live in a small town. People get stupid and talk and it gets around very quickly. One of the guys has been hiding out apparently. I'm pretty sure it's the one who's sporting a nice gash in his head from the skateboard. I hope they find them and I'm going to see that they give them the stiffest charge they can. These guys are adults. My kid is 15 years old. Yep.. I'm pissed. Here are a couple of pics. One was taken the night it happened.. You can't see the cheek bone jutting out but it was. The next shot was taken the day after.

Seasons Of Change

So many changes in the past few months. Life has had a lot of highs and lows. We've lost a few along the way and somehow we've managed to muddle through. It's been a long, long season. It's winding down now and we're into the dog days of summer. In less than a month we'll see a new season. Fall is my absolute favorite time of year here in Oklahoma. The trees and bushes go from green to yellow and then to orange and red. It's truly an incredible sight. The days remain warm but the nights are crisp. The evening sky is full of a million stars that look so close it seems you could touch them. Autumn brings a sense of inner peace for me and I don't know why. I just feel as though it's my time to recollect, ponder, and renew myself. When the weather cools some I'll begin to bake more and make chowders, stews, and soups. I'll fill the house with smells of cinnamon, hazelnut, and maple candles. I can hardly wait.

Thank you for the kind words of support. We're coping as well as we can and sticking together very closely. It's all we can do. Thanks again....

http://www.legacy.com/saltlaketribune/Obituaries.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=18734170

It's 2:26 a.m. and I can't sleep. My mind is going in circles and I just can't seem to settle down. Okay my heart is breaking and I just can't seem to grasp what's happened to my family. My baby nephew was murdered Monday night. He was the only child of my stepbrother, Jimmy. Jimmy hasn't been a big part of his life because Jimmy is in prison and was moved from Utah to Arkansas. Jayden was 2 years old. He just turned 2 in May. His mother's boyfriend was babysitting him while his mother worked and he killed him. One version of what he told the police was, "The little fucker just wouldn't shut up so I killed him"... I just can't wrap my mind around that. He took this little boy and beat his head into a wall until he stopped screaming. Until he stopped moving.. Until he stopped breathing. What kind of a monster would do that? The sonofabitch is in police custody now but that won't bring Jayden back. My mom and stepdad were going to get Jayden for the holidays and they were so thrilled about that. That of course will never happen now. Instead they'll get to drive to Utah and watch as their baby grandson is lowered into a grave. They are in serious need of prayer. The whole family is in need. We'll pull through this because true to form, we're a family and we stick together. It just hurts really bad right now. Really, really bad.

Check It Out

These people are giving away a few freebies.. Go check them out!

http://www.cengraving.com/s/free

The Black Sheep

I rented Brokeback Mountain last night. I have to say I rented this because basically there was nothing else good to rent. I've passed it by a few times without a second thought. No particular reason. I just did. It started out sort of ho hum.. and then got a bit uncomfortable to watch. No, I'm not homophobic. I just don't enjoy sex scenes that much. But the more I got into this movie the more I found myself pulled in. It was such a deep and sad love story. I hated the ending. Hated it. I wanted a happy ending for Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar. I found myself wondering how many of these types of relationships were hidden back then as well? How many hearts broke and endured such pain because of the world around them? Acceptance for such a thing wasn't given very freely. Our America prided itself on the rights of others in those days. Hippies were standing on street corners smoking weed. Women were burning their bras. Couples were embarking on a new journey and began "swinging".. All of this was acceptable... But two people of the same sex loving each other in an intimate way was taboo. And in a lot of areas this hasn't changed much over the past 40 years. I find myself ashamed of my fellow humans sometimes. I am ashamed of myself because I'm not always accepting of others either. I think as people we need to open our minds and our hearts a bit more to the others. Wouldn't it be a nicer world if we did?

When It Comes Down To Brass Tacks

inconsiderate:

adj 1: lacking regard for the rights or feelings of others; "shockingly inconsiderate behavior" [ant: considerate] 2: without proper consideration or reflection; "slovenly inconsiderate reasoning"; "unconsidered words"; "prejudice is the holding of unconsidered opinions" [syn: unconsidered]


childish:

adj : indicating a lack of maturity


selfish:

adj : concerned chiefly or only with yourself


injustice:

Function: noun1 : absence of justice : violation of what is considered right and just or of the rights of another2 : an unjust act


disrespect:
n.

Lack of respect, esteem, or courteous regard.

Cutie Pies

They're 3 weeks old now!

Yesterday.......

I was just talking to a friend about our kids. We're both a little sad about how the years have flown by so quickly. I now have a 10th grader, a 7th grader and a 4th grader. I can vividly remember when my oldest was in kindergarten. That seems like such a lifetime ago. Such a happy lifetime.....There didn't seem to be drama or battles then. Maybe there was and I just don't remember it. But it's a time I choose to remember with fondness. It was before marital problems hit. It was before my illness hit. We had just moved into our new home and we had a newborn. Life was simple then. I miss those days.

LISA VAN O!!!!!!!!!!

EMAIL ME WOMAN!!! I lost all my contact info.

Loss

My friend lost her husband a few days ago. There are no words to heal the open wounds that she and her children feel. Only time will heal and leave them with the scars of life and love. Here's to a brighter day ahead and the sweetest of memories......

Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more... Tears in heaven

Awww!

We have kitties!

At one of the sites I read I noticed that the majority of women didn't have a great Mother's Day yesterday. Why is this? Do men feel cheated on Father's Day? Do we silently plot to make their father's day a less than memorable experience? Should we? Tell me this.. What is so damn hard about treating someone special for one day? Not even a whole day! Just a little part of it even. A friend of mine was talking about her upset and hurt over the lack of consideration she got yesterday.. She said she felt like an "after thought".. Wow.. that makes a lot of sense doesn't it? Although sometimes I think that would even be better than nothing at all. I dunno. I had a friend, male of course, say that Mother's Day was just an excuse for Hallmark to make money. I wanted to bitch slap him of course. Then again he doesn't have children and he rarely speaks to his mother. Anyway, the point of my post is this: No matter how small or how cheap, do something for the mother in your life. Be it your own mother, your wife, your grandmother, whatever! If you can't afford a card then do something nice for her. Take out the trash, rub her feet, mow the lawn, clean the house.. ANYTHING! Acting like it'll go away won't help it. Ignoring her only makes it worse. And worst of all............Don't tell her she's the reason the day went crappy! And just because you're over it don't ASSume that she is.

Out Like A Fat Kid In Dodge Ball

Okay.. this isn't exactly the easiest thing for me to blog about.. It's something that's been bothering me for a few days. You know I sort of touched on it a while back.. The skinny is I belonged to a message board. There was some tension and a few smart assed comments made there between a few. All of the sudden the boards were closed. Well we all still had a place to go because someone had created backup boards. They made it look the exact same as our boards did except there were a few key players missing. Those women apparently went and started up a private board for themselves and left a lot of us out on our asses. Okay that hurt. I never did a damn thing to any of them to deserve that but whatever.. I guess I wasn't their cup of tea. So fast forward to a few days ago....I get this mass email from one of those women at the "new" boards stating they were going to give someone a surprise party or something. Someone accidentally included MY email address in that mix. Talk about feeling like the fat kid in dodge ball!!! OMG I was angry and yeah it made me cry. Well the guilty emailed me with an apology so ya know I can't really be mad at them. But it all made me feel very inadequate again. Lots of shit going on with work right now.. Major loss of income.. Fear, anxiety, resentment, anger.. And no bloody place to vent it and nobody who gives a flying shit. I'm not afraid to say it.. I miss my boards.

Full Of It

And just because I have lots on my mind today I'll blog again.....

Online Love Affairs. What's your opinion on them? As a rule I tend to think they're dangerous and very deceitful. Of course I've been on the shitty end of one of those so maybe that's why my opinion isn't very positive. I mean really though.. Someone sits and talks to someone for hours and hours, night after night. What do they really learn about that person inside that box? They learn what that person wants them to know. And let's face it folks we can be whoever we want to be on here. There's nobody holding us accountable for telling the truth about who we really are. So while someone is claiming to be the answer to every prayer, are they really? The beauty of it is, the truth does reveal itself eventually. Sometimes people actually marry and it goes spendidly. Sometimes it tears families apart and breaks hearts. It's really something to make ya think isn't it? So if you're one of those people you may want to really think about things. You honestly never really know who you're speaking to until you've had time to be around that person and see it with your own eyes. Now while I'm not dissing those I know who have found love online I am saying that it's not for me and I would never want my children to travel such an avenue to find a mate. I guess there are some things in life that I'll never change my mind about.

That Is So Jr High...Grow The Hell Up!

Was talking to a friend of mine this morning.. We were discussing cruises and I made mention that I was invited to go on a cruise down to Cozumel and Belize. He in turn said that he and his wife were saving at this very moment to go on a cruise to Jamaica. Very cool eh? He said they had the money for the cruise but needed to save about the same amount for "other" things.. Other things? Like scuba diving right? Or wind surfing! Yeah!! Uh...no.. Like drinks on board for him and his ghetto ass wife needs to score some "Ganja" while down on the islands. Looooooeeeeeoooossssserrrrrrrrrs! Grow the hell up! Forty plus years old and they are about as responsible as my 15 year old. No.. I think my 15 year old has them beat. They make about 120K a year and it's just the two of them and they struggle with money.. Why you ask? Booze and ganja. Jesus, I had to almost bite my tongue in half to keep from saying something snarky to him. Don't sit there and bitch about how the man has you down when all you're gonna do is drink shots of whiskey and watch your fat ass loser of a wife smoke dope. Yeah I know.. none of my bidness but he brought it up and I have an opinion. I realize that I have NO tolerance for drug addicts and alcoholics. Talk amongst yourselves.....

Profound

A very good friend of mine summed things up nicely last night.. Her words made me giggle and nod in agreement. I have a case of the "Idon'tgiveashits" LOL! So true!

Is This All There Is?

I'm bored.. Bored with the internet. One can only read cnn and blogs for so long before the boredom sets in. More and more lately I've been content with spending my evenings with a good tv show instead of being online. Maybe I'm just outgrowing a few things? I don't know.. I'm disenchanted.. I do know that. People are not what they seem. This is something I've known for years yet it seems to be a lesson I relearn over and over again. Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm expecting too much. Maybe I'm given too much and don't appreciate it? Peh.. I think I'll go take a nap.